Current XWF Champions!

January, 2011

Silver Circle - La Arana

Red Circle - Termanatrix

Black Circle - Kaiju

In Memoriam

August 5, 2009 - The Polyp passed away yesterday after several years with the XWF. Cause of death was determined to be a heart attack. The XWF denies allegations that his death was related to drug addiction. The Coroner's Office has not replied to our request for comments.

Retirement

The Board of Directors of the XWF is sad to announce that Tor Fjellanger will be retiring, effective February 21st, 2009. We wish him good fortune in his future endeavors. He will be replaced on the Board by Deng Zemin.

Excerpt from Hong Kong Karnage!

end commercial break

Announcer 1: “Welcome back to the Xtreme Warfare Federation’s HONG KONG KARNAGE! We are just moments away from the main event of the evening: a red circle tag-team battle between the ‘Stone Badass’ Lance Stryker and his partner ‘Fastball’ against ‘Mustang’ Sally Kellerman and her partner, ‘Metal.’ This is gonna be huge.”

Announcer 2: “That’s for sure! These contenders can barely wait to have at each other. For those just tuning in, let’s review some backstage footage captured earlier in the evening.”

(Metal is shown holding back Mustang Sally while she fires off at Lance Stryker, who just stands there looking amused.) “You mother (bleep)! If you ever shove that Vienna sausage you call a (bleep) in my face again, I’m gonna rip it off and feed it to you! Let me go, Metal! I’m gonna teach this sumbitch a lesson about how to talk to a lady!”

(Stryker laughs.) “Listen to you, ya stupid bitch! If you’re a lady, then I’m a Volkswagen. Yeah, Metal, let that dumb (bleep) go. I’m fixin’ to knock her teeth out and shut her up right now.”

(Metal says something inaudible to Sally, who appears to calm down briefly. She spits at Stryker’s feet and walks away, punching a hole into the cinderblock corridor.)

(Stryker laughs again.) “Where’re ya goin’? Yeah, you (bleep)in’ (bleep), that’s what I thought!”

Announcer 1: “Wow, that is intense. I apologize for our viewers at home who may have young children watching. Remind me, Terry, what’s Sally’s beef with Stryker?”

Announcer 2: “Well, Dennis, apparently he used an anti-gay slur in an N!terview and she wasn’t very happy about it. Looks like she’s still sore about being outed. You know how touchy lesbians can be, and Sally has the temper from hell on top of that.”

Announcer 1: “Don’t we all know it. And here she comes!”

Announcer 2: “Wow, she looks more focused than I think I’ve ever seen her. Are those new boots she‘s wearing?”

Announcer 1: “I think they are, probably picked out just for this occasion.”

Announcer 2: “This is interesting, Dennis, and not many people may know this, but apparently Sally and Stryker are from the same town.”

Announcer 1: “I certainly didn’t know that. So maybe the rivalry runs deeper than even we know?”

Announcer 2: “Maybe! And coming to join her in the ring is Metal, whom you might also know as Tess Turbo. Metal is a recurring guest fighter with the XWF. I gotta say, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone able to withstand as much punishment as she can.”

Announcer 1: “I gotta agree with you on that one, Terry. Though, coming in at over two tons, I’m more surprised at how much punishment these rings have to withstand.”

Announcer 2: Speaking of punishment, here’s a nova that can really dish it out, the Stone Bad Ass…Lance Stryker!”

Announcer 1: And his partner for tonight, XWF’s resident speed demon, Fastball. I have no idea how any of the other contestants are gonna keep sight of him, let alone beat him.

Announcer 2: You’re telling me, I can barely keep track of him, and the match hasn’t even started yet.

Commercial Break

Announce 2, “We’re back from our break, and the action is intense! Sally, of course, has gone straight for Stryker. She’s really got it in for him.”

Announcer 1: “Stryker seems to be holding his own, as an Elite he’s used to fighting with his life on the line, he’s gonna wipe the floor with the XWF’ers.”

Announcer 2: “For those who missed it during the commercial break we have a replay of what happened to Fastball and Metal.”

Announcer 1: “Nobody could keep with Fastball as he opened a can of whoop ass on Metal and Sally at the same time. It looked like it was gonna be a quick match.”

Announcer 2: “That’s when Metal brought down the roof, literally.”

Announcer 1: “That’s right watch as she leaps through the ceiling and then comes back down, bringing debris crashing down with her.”

Announcer 2: “She apparently KO’d herself with that one, but the raining debris knocked out Fastball as well.”

Announcer 1: “Back to the action, Stryker and Sally are having at it on top of the rubble. Stryker is about to throw a finisher on Sally.”

Announcer 2: “Oh! Did you see that! A Bronco Buster right in the ba…groin! That’s gotta hurt.”

Announcer 1: “Haha, yeah that shot to the ‘bagroin’ hurt, and it pissed him off! He’s laying the smackdown on her candy ass now.”

Announcer 2: “She’s really taking a beating from him, and now he’s choking her out.”

Announcer 1: “Man that’s vicious; he’s really taking out his aggression on her. I haven’t seen a beating this bad since the Superbeast vs. Mammoth.

Announcer 2: “Hey look, Metal just shrugged off that rubble. She’s up and moving like nothing ever hit her.”

Announcer 1: “And she’s pissed, look at her face.”

Announcer 2: “Stryker is so busy choking Sally he’s oblivious to Metal coming up behind him!

Announcer 1: “Metal just picked him up by the back of the neck and…”

Both Announcers: “Oh!”

Announcer 1: “She just punted him into a wall! He looks like he’s been hit by a train! She’s charging him!”

Announcer 2: “Now he’s been hit by that train! But he’s still conscious. She’s going for a finisher! The Metal Mash! Three mega-leaps full of pain. One! He’s trying to get up! Two! Still Moving! Three! He’s out cold!

Announcer 2: “One…two…three! That’s it folks. Stryker’s out and the match goes to Metal and Sally.”

Commercial

Introducing...

The newest additions to the X! W! F!

In the Red Circle...
A returning Guest Fighter, The American Rock Superstar, The Heavy Metal Mistress, The Iron Maiden...

METAL!!!












And in the Silver Cirlce comes the Master Assassin, The One Man Clan, The One, but not the Only...

AMERICAN NINJA!

N!terview with "Stone Badass" Lance Stryker

N!Reporter: Mr. Stryker, rumors have circulated in recent weeks about you taking a role as a guest contender during next month's XWF pay-per-view Hong Kong Karnage. Do you have any respose for -

Stryker: Hell yeah, son, I gotta response for whatever [CENSORED] artists are goin' around talkin' smack about the Stone Badass! Do i look like a damn cartoon to you, son? Do I look like Core or Mauler or one of them other mite-injectin', pumped-up, fake-ass faggots that goes out there and rolls around his damn underwear so that a bunch of fat OpNet turds can sit around and jack off? If Core wants to take off his little makeup and come out from inside his little arena and bring his little Core Meltdown to Tanzania or Macedonia or Kashmir or some other place where real men do real fightin' for a livin', then the Stone Baddass will be happy to shove the sole of my boot straight up his ass and stomp a mudhole in his $40-million-a-fight intestines, and that's all I got ta say about that!
So in answer to your little question, son, the Stone Badass is a real-life elite and not one'a them fake XWF nancyboys, and I wouldn't use a damn XWF contract to wipe my ass, and that's a damn fact!

Current XWF Champions!

Silver Circle - The Upset Queen, Melinda Guzman

Red Circle - Stealth

Black Circle - The Lord of Death, Rob "Superbeast" Steele